Still Grounded

Welcome to our regular Saturday feature “What Aggravates Me”

By Comedian John Knight

Big news this week. Uber has hired an engineer from NASA to develop the first flying car. All I can say is “It’s about time!”

I’ve been waiting for this for years. Tell me the thought has never crossed your mind. Have you ever been stuck behind someone going ten miles under the speed limit? I hate it bad enough getting behind someone driving the actual speed limit. How can you possibly go less than that? What lack of urgency allows you to not care when you get there?

You’re not a genuine type A personality, if you’ve been behind one of these morons and not wishing you could push a button and leap right over them. Get in front, flash the bird and speed away.

Why did we have to wait for Uber to get the ball rolling here? You would think GM, Ford or certainly Toyota would have come up with this long ago.

I know a couple of guys that drive for Uber on occasion when they need extra cash. They’ve never had any complaints. It’s just that Uber is already testing self-driving cars. The writing is pretty much on the wall. You’re going to be replaced by nobody.

But, now I’m ready to sign up. Because I want to fly and not like Lady Gaga at the Super Bowl.

Imagine a crowded mall parking lot around the holidays. Some poor sap is driving around for half an hour looking for a spot. Finally they think they found one and…”Boom” I plop down out of the sky!

I want to be one of the first before it gets out of hand.

Eventually everyone will have a flying car. At that point you can count on seeing at least a few of them tangled in the power lines every day. Texting and flying, you have to worry about more than taking out a mailbox.

Until then, only Uber will be able to fly. That’s right, the company that makes most of it’s money rescuing drunks from the South Side will be in the air. People full of alcohol and motion sickness will be over your head.

“Look up in the sky, it’s…Splat!”

Not to worry, with necessity comes innovation. As Uber develops a flying car, I’m working on the “Heave Helmet.”

Seriously, how can you drive less than the speed limit?

Follow John on Twitter @jknight841

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