Why the Fyre Festival Failed (Hint: They Misspelled FRIES)

By now you’ve heard about the horrendous publicly-shamed failure of the 2017 Fyre Festival.  It was supposed to be a:

“dreamy, deluxe, and highly Instagrammable music-festival experience that would take place over two weekends in the Bahamas, on a purportedly private island called Fyre Cay. The organizers—including Billy McFarland, the founder of the troubled millennial-élite social club Magnises—promised attendees buried treasure, yacht parties, and concierge packages that cost up to fifty thousand dollars per person. Models including Bella Hadid, Emily Ratajkowski, and Kendall Jenner promoted the festival with a series of swimsuit shots on social media; Ja Rule would serve as host. The lineup, which eventually included Blink-182, Major Lazer, and Migos, hadn’t yet been solidified, but the festival sold out quickly nonetheless.” Full Story in The New Yorker

People showed up and were forced to sleep in tents, eat cheese sandwiches and, when they wanted to go home, were stuck in the airport because there were no flights out!

Why this thing failed?

  1. They didn’t hold it in Pittsburgh (don’t these people read all the articles about how awesome Pittsburgh is vs. the Bahamas?)
  2. They picked Kendall Jenner to promote the thing. Hell, ex-Pittsburgh Pirate Jason Kendall has more credibility than her.
  3. Stupid swimsuit model shots. They should have had more realistic shots of people, from Kennywood Park, who were walking around in their wet clothes after being on consecutive rides of the Raging Rapids.
  4. Instead of using troubled millennial-élite social club Magnises, they should have used the North Side’s unbelievably awesome Banjo Club!
  5. It was to be held on a private island in the Bahamas where there was supposed to be buried treasure. Hello? Have ya heard of Neville Island, the RMU hockey and golf activity facility on that semi-private island AND.. all of the cool “treasures” buried under the industrial plants there?
  6. And…(drum roll please)…the biggest reason that it failed, at least for Pittsburghers? Because you called it a FYRE Festival! Make it a FRY (as in French Fry) Festival and…. boom… you got something, YaJagoffs!