Just Don’t Go!

 

Welcome to our regular Saturday feature “What Aggravates Me”

Big news in Pittsburgh this week. Argo AI, a company that is developing self-driving cars will build its new headquarters in the Strip District. Yeah I know, between texting and phone calls, most cars are on their own already.

Just to put a little damper on that news, an Uber self-driving vehicle was involved in its first accident last week. According to reports, the car wasn’t in self-driving mode at the time. So, the accident was actually between two human drivers. You know, between the texting and the phone calls.

If you drive anywhere, you already realize that at least seventy percent of all humans should not be allowed to operate a motor vehicle. If you’re reading this while driving, you’re one of those people. Of course, you probably feel safe cruising along at 40 mph in the passing lane. I know, it’s only the passing lane for other drivers, you can do whatever you want.

Technology can’t get here fast enough. Won’t it be nice to have self-driving cars actually maintaining their speed through the tunnels? What will you do with all the extra time you have?

Speaking of technology, the Post-Gazette reports that users of GPS apps like Google and Waze, won’t notice the 80 mile detour on the Pennsylvania Turnpike this weekend. Wait a second, are they really trying to put a positive spin on this garbage?

The only difference between the people using these apps and the uninformed idiots, is they will know the road is closed in advance. I’m sorry, if I’m going 80 miles out of my way to get somewhere, I’m going to notice. Not only will I notice, but I will be screaming and swearing for all 80 miles.

I have to take the side of the uninformed on this one. They won’t know any better after all. They will think they are almost to their destination and then be re-routed to hell. The Turnpike will be closed from New Castle to Beaver. That’s normally a three mile trip. It’s now going to be eighty-three! It’s like you’re playing the game Sorry and your about to move your pawn into your home base. Then, some jerk takes your spot and makes you go all the way around the board again.

The Turnpike commission estimates it will add about 90 minutes to your trip. If you go both ways, three hours. You’re telling me this is the most efficient detour you can come up with? My mother can walk three miles in less than 90 minutes and she uses a walker.

My question is, where do you really have to go? Do you have Pirates tickets for fan appreciation day? If you do, shame on you.

If you are planning to use the detour, maybe you should be using different apps instead of GPS. Is there an app to test your level of sanity? Maybe there’s an app that will send somebody over to smack you in the face and ask,

“What the hell is the matter with you?”

Heck, if you want I’ll come over and do it. Oh wait, I’m afraid I can’t do that because I can’t get there! I’m not driving 80 miles out of my way just to smack you in the face.

If you had a self-driving car, it would refuse to start. It would just sit there and say,

“I’m not going. There’s no place you have to be that’s so important to put me through this nightmare.”

There really isn’t, is there?

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