Aug 4 2016
Yeppir! You read that correctly. Here’s the bullet points that get us to the dress-lifting activity.
Off-duty Pittsburgh cop Tracey Schweitzer, 49, was attending a visitation service for her dead aunt on Friday when another aunt showed up
Schweitzer told Suzanne Troy, 62, that it was her dead aunt’s wish that she not attend the funeral, and asked her to leave
Troy allegedly responded by lifting up her dress in front of the casket and telling her niece to ‘kiss her a**’
She also reportedly threatened to shoot her niece in the head
The two women then got into a brawl in the hallway of the funeral home
Personally, I feel bad for the off-duty officer. Seems like she got a raw deal…. on both accounts. I mean… if one of your crazy relatives did a flash dance deal in front of a casket of a close relative, you wouldn’t give ’em a Jack Lambert maneuver too?
C’mon Aunt Suzanne, no wonder you weren’t supposed to be at the visitation. In reading the details, I was just hoping that Aunt Suzanne had on some kind of granny-panties layered with some of her 20 year old L’eggs pantyhose that she washes out every night and hangs over the bathtub spigot every night! I mean.. 62 year old upper-leg skin is bad enough but, bare 62-year old butt flap-jacks? Definitely worth a tackle in the foyer… just to save the kids’ from being traumatized! Anyone 12 and under might have looked at that thigh and buttocks, and all of the blue veins and broken capillaries, and think that they are looking at Google Maps and start scanning her with their smart phoens for Pokemon Go pieces!
See? Ms. Schweitzer saved a huge tragedy.
Aunt Suzanne… well, you’ve pretty much assured your seat at the local McD’s the next time there’s visitation hours for a relative. The good news is, very few people seem to dress up for funeral visitations these days. It was good that you wore a dress. The bad news is, you seem to have a completely different definition than the rest of us do of the phrase, “Dress -up for the funeral,” Ya Jagoff!