Aug 26 2011
Another “Breaking News” Jagoff?? Yep!!!
If you work or hang out in Oakland, you know the place is full of Jagoff drivers – like the drivers that HAVE to scoot through the redlight but end up blocking the intersections AND Jagoff street-crossers – like the people that CONTINUOUSLY try and cross Fifth Avenue at Darragh DESPITE the fact that the City and Port Authority have installed fences, hurdles and 4 retired 3rd string Pittsburgh Steelers linebackers to prevent people from crossing there. There are sooo many Jagoff drivers in Oakland that, if we sell enough of our t-shirts, we may actually offer to pay for readlight cameras in the Oakland area just to insure material for our blog!!!!
Yesterday, an impatient Oakland driver ALLEGEDLY tried to cut around another driver that just wasn’t meeting his speed expectations. (See KDKA-TV Story Here) He ended up pushing the car next to him up on to the curb near the Cathedral of Learning and, THAT car ran into a 19-year old special needs Pitt student in a wheelchair! See what trying to save those extra-precious 4.2223 seconds of travel time will do?
Hey Mr. My-Life-Is-More-Important-Than-The-Rest-of-You-Proletariats, do you have any idea how many times this special needs student has probably been delayed in HER life just by trying to get in and out of crowded elevators, on and off buses, around clueless walking-texters? We’re guessing you missed your REAL IMPORTANT appointment – hoping it wasn’t with your relaxation/hypnosis therapist. We think the only way you’re gonna get outta this unscathed is to say you were trying to rush the ULTIMATE UPMC/Highmark compromise plan from Ken Melani to Jeff Romoff!
We say, if you are found guilty, we believe that you should have to live in a similar wheelchair for 3 months learning patience. On the last week of your sentence, our injured student gets to choose 1 challenge project for you each day, such as, feeding you a Five Guys bacon/cheeseburger and fries and 10 bran muffins then detaining you from getting to the bathroom until your colon gets to the “Defcon 5” stage then telling you that the ONLY available restroom is the one on the 40th floor of the Cathedral of Learning. On the last day, she gets to take you, in your wheelchair, to the Kennywood bumper cars during an elementary school field trip. Her and the kids will have unlimited time to continuously bounce their cars off of your head, shoulders, knees and toes, Ya Jagoff!!!
Credit for this post goes to our Honorary Jagoff Catcher, Twitter follower, K_Fite for clueing us in on this story.